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keep it consensual: ask first!

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(con)sensual is a dynamic, sex-positive campaign about enthusiastic consent. The campaign works to create safe spaces for dialogue on consent, educate college students about consent and their sexual rights, and encourage young people to integrate consent into their sexual practices. We love sex, and we love you. We live online here and on Twitter. (Our website is on the way.)

(con)sensual currently lives at American University in Washington, DC, where it was founded in 2009. The campaign will be available to all campuses nationwide within the year.

    "Sex is about energy, not the way bodies touch."
    — 2 years ago with 45 notes
    #sex  #sex positive  #queer sex  #sexuality  #annie sprinkle  #fetish mind  #consent 

“What’s youth? Youth is the erection; What’s sex? Sex is the lubricant of youth.”

From “What Chinese Youth Say About Sex”

reblogging for the “sex is the lubricant of youth” because i really like that.
not reblogging for the male-centrism. 


    “What’s youth? Youth is the erection; What’s sex? Sex is the lubricant of youth.”

    From “What Chinese Youth Say About Sex

    reblogging for the “sex is the lubricant of youth” because i really like that.

    not reblogging for the male-centrism. 

    — 2 years ago with 23 notes
    #China  #Sex  #Sex positive  #consent 
    Lesson 54: Always Obtain Consent


    Das Racist Relationship Advice: Whats the worst thing a girl ever did to you. from ladygunn magazine on Vimeo.

    No form of physical contact should ever come as a surprise— that includes penetration, touching, kissing, and any other way in which your parts might come into contact with other people’s parts. 

    Keep in mind that words can be non-consensual, too. Sexual harassment can be verbal. 

    Not sure whether you have proper consent? When in doubt, stop. We all have a right to our bodies and sexualities… don’t be a jerk and compromise that right. 

    The video, while comical, is meant to demonstrate that harassment/assault come in all kinds of forms and happen to all kinds of people. Be sensitive to that, too, okay?


    — 2 years ago with 30 notes
    #das racist  #sex  #harrassment  #boundaries  #life  #person  #consent 
    Yes, No, Maybe Checklist →


    “Clear, truthful and open communication is a must with partnered sex. It’s the best way to assure everyone is fully and freely consenting as well as physically and emotionally safe; to help sex and sexual relationships be as satisfying, positive and awesome as they can be. We can’t just know or guess what we or others want or need, like or dislike, are or are not okay with: we need to communicate those things and have them communicated to us.”

    (via cubananarchist-deactivated20121)

    — 2 years ago with 36 notes
    #Boundaries  #Relationships  #Sex  #consent 
    "The culturally established “no means no” is too low a bar. Only yes means yes. And I’m not talking about an “I guess we could…” or an “I don’t really care….” or an “Only if you really want to….” or a “Might as well…” I’m talking about an enthusiastic, excited, sustained “Yes!” Are those “yesses” less frequent than the non-committal, hesitant “not-nos?” Yeah, they are, but it’s worth it to know that the people you’re fooling around with really want to fool around with you, too."
    Emily Heist Moss
    The Good Men Project - You Can Get Laid Without Being a Jerk (via lexywagner)

    (Source: landlocked-selkie)

    — 2 years ago with 23 notes
    #college  #feminism  #women  #sex  #rape  #rape culture  #feminist  #consent 
    "I am a whore. Find something else to fight about."
    17th century prostitute & royal concubine Nell Gwynn [in response to someone shouting ‘whore’ at her] (via corrinda)

    (Source: emilyofthepen)

    — 2 years ago with 56 notes
    #nell gwynn  #whore  #sex  #sex positive  #body positive  #feminist  #feminism  #history  #17th century  #consent 
    "So we are proud to reclaim the word “slut” as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite."
    The Ethical Slut (via lostnspiration)

    (Source: littlemisswonderlust)

    — 2 years ago with 66 notes
    #The ethical slut  #sex  #sex positive  #slut  #whore  #consent 


    Sex Toy Care and Cleaning Guide

    I guess the reason why I’m posting there seems to be little info on this kinda stuff despite the fact that plenty of folks who follow me and who I follow use sex toys. It’s worth while sharing info and most of all it’s important to be safe when doing what ever gets you to reach the big O

    (via theirriandjhiquishow-deactivate)

    — 2 years ago with 112 notes
    #sex toys  #sex ed  #sex education  #sex positive  #sex toy  #cleaning  #hygien  #sexual health  #sex  #sexuality  #this has become a sex blog oh my  #consent 
    Sex Tips for Girls on Girls, Ladies on Ladies, Clits on Clits, People with Vaginas, etc.


    Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Started Getting Down

    I know that there are lots of really shitty portrayals of dynamics between hetero couples in the media. I would really love it if we could just see people talking about sex in a relaxed way, and talking during sex would be even better. What the mainstream media gives us is this toxic shit and we are left with the challenge of unlearning it. Even worse, representations of lesbian (queer, clit-clit, etc.) sexual relationships are few and far between. We have no examples. We are drawn together far before we really know how to treat one another and often end up hurting each other in the process.

    <3 Definitions of what constitutes sex between women (queers, clits, etc.)  tend to be personal and various. Don’t impose your own definition onto other people. This is where heteronormative models of virginity can be really damaging. Enjoy your experience for what it is.

    <3 “Virgins” have agency. Just because someone has never had sex with another person before does not mean that they are not a sexual being. All people have the power to know what they want and ask for it, regardless of previous experience.

    <3 Not every sexual interaction must involve “giving” and “receiving.” Just because someone wants to fuck you, doesn’t mean that they want you you to fuck them. Just because someone wants you to fuck them, doesn’t mean they want to fuck you.

    <3 Variations in gender expression will greatly shape your interactions with different people. Meet people where they are.

    <3 Someone might not want you to touch them in certain places or in certain ways. This is personal for each individual. It is not about you, do not take it personally.

    <3 Not everyone is into vaginal penetration. This should be a talking point.

    <3 Masturbation and sex are different things. Just because they might involve similar sorts of genitalia does not mean that one is “practice” for the other.

    <3 Sex is not a skill. The idea that sex is something that you perform on another person is…icky. Good sex is about compatibility and communication.

    <3 Take pleasure in giving pleasure.

    <3 Women (queers, people with vaginas, etc.) are not “safer” than cis men. We are just as capable of hurting each other.

    <3 Talk about triggers. Looks for signs.

    <3 Lesbians (women who have sex with women, people with vaginas, etc.) are not immune from STIs. I know that people know this in theory, but it can still be difficult to practice in practice. Open communication and barriers (dental dams, gloves)!

    <3 Consent. Consent. Consent.

    (Source: throughmotion)

    — 2 years ago with 27 notes
    #angry queers  #clits on clits  #consent  #getting down  #girls on girls  #ladies on ladies  #lesbian  #queer  #sex  #sex tips  #sexuality  #vaginas  #virginity  #women  #clit  #clitoris  #queer sex  #advice  #femme experience  #fucking  #touching 
    Sex Positivity at Queeriot 2011


    While I was at the Queeriot event in Kingston this July I had the opportunity of going to a workshop on sex positivity, it’s main discourse was on deconstructing our notions of sex due to the ingrained Christian, heterosexual, gendered, monogamous and vanilla (CHGMV) beliefs of sex. Here are some key points and notes.

    Sex can be defined as: sexual intimate involvement with someone. 
Not just vaginal penetration from a penis. 

    Negative messages around sex confirm patriarchy and paternity. 
There is a lot of pressure to have heterosexual and gendered sexual experiences, leaving many people to gender themselves in ways they may or may not identify with. 
Many people experience shaming from the ‘abnormality’ of their sexual experiences and choices, there is a common preconceived notion that one’s sexual experience only counts if it’s CHGMV, which is false. 
Sex negativity also has the impact of trivializing queer sexual experiences.
Many people who are part of the LGBTQ community feel they are othered, which forces them to educate; which was expressed at the workshop to be annoying, often insulting and simply a very energy consuming task.

The idea of a circular pronoun check was suggested. Brilliant I say. It’s better to call someone by what they identify with instead of potentially insulting someone. 

How do we bring about sex positivity? Personally you can keep an eye on the language you use, it is a process and it’s good to have a group of people who can hold you to that. You can so this by asking what pronoun someone identifies with though this may single the individual out and may not be an appropriate setting to ask. During sexual engagements you can verbally initiate sexual actions, therefore leaving an open dialogue with you and your partner(s)’s level of comfortability. You can do check ins during intimate play. It’s important to redefine sex and learn more about it and the different types. Be open and speak easily about sex, or at least try. Take responsibility and talk to people if they need to be called out on something, it is important to do this with sensitivity because shaming and alienating someone is not the goal. Be assertive and direct with your language. Learn more ways to open yourself to being comfortable with talking about sexual topics. Above all know your needs and speak your needs. It is also important to further your awareness and commit to change. Make sure that you spread the word that in sexual assault & abuse, molestation, and rape cases it is not the victim’s fault. It is the perpetrators responsibility not to pose sexual actions upon someone. It does not matter what someone looks like, what they wear, what they say, acts of sexual violence are not requested. Fantasy and role-play with proper communication can be an exception but there are fine lines. Many people blame themselves for sexual violence cases or simply will not report it due to what society projects as the cause, ex. “I was wearing a short skirt and was really drunk, therefore if I tell anyone they will say it was my fault.” 

    Consent is the presence of saying “yes” to a sexual encounter and in some fantasy and role-playing cases it can also be “no” in this case a safe word is necessary also checking in on your partner is important too. Safe words should be easily remembered, a good example that was given at the workshop was, “I think someone is at the door,” and at that point the couple would stop what they were doing altogether or assess the situation and communicate their needs. In the case of gags a non-verbal safe-action would be necessary. It is also important to be responsible for checking in on where your partner(s) are at when you’re engaging in sexual activities, an example that was mentioned was the red, yellow, green method. Red meaning let’s stop this all together, something could have been triggering or really uncomfortable; yellow meaning we need to check up on things and make sure what we’re/you’re/I am doing is making you feel comfortable, this could be used when trying something new; green simply means all is well! If you come into a red zone situation it is important to know what you need at that point and to verbalize it, ex. you may want your partner(s) to hold you and comfort you, or not to touch you, not talking for a little and then going through it later, or talking about it right then, asking for a tea, telling your partner(s) to not ask you why you requested to stop. When a red zone situations occurs it is important to do a follow up on your partner(s). You cannot tell consent fully through body language, that is why communication is very important.

    Grey Rape also falls within consent. Grey rape in my best understanding is when you say no or feel as if you have displayed that you do not want to engage in sexual activity but are coerced into it. The “no” has been recognized but is pursued by the other. Thus someone making you feel guilty for not having sex with them, then having sex with them to fulfill that guilt would be considered grey rape. I feel it is more of a mental question for the victim and a control tactic for the other. Though it is a slippery slop because grey rape can be confused with playing hard to get and what not. If it leave you feeling shitty after then it is most likely not understood by your partner(s). But you can feel shitty for also making conscious clear decisions. Nonetheless I think that many people experience this notion of grey rape often and think it is very present in casual sexual activity, as well as in relationships.

    Some last quotes on consent that I found interesting…
    Consent should be enthusiastic
    “Yes” need to say consent, not an absence of “No”

    If you have any input/questions, ask me! :)


    — 2 years ago with 23 notes
    #LGBTQ  #Queeriot  #community  #consent  #rape  #sex  #sexual positivity 
    "The only person you can have sex with whenever you want is yourself."
    Me, tonight at a discussion I led at my school on respect, consent, and boundaries (via mylifeasafeminista)
    — 2 years ago with 48 notes
    #consent  #sex  #i don't know how i feel about quoting myself but i'm doing it anyway 
    "When you get a little too drunk and flip a pong table, you might piss off some brothers, and you even “technically” committed assault. But you won’t give them nightmares for the rest of their lives or destroy their ability to trust potential sexual partners or make them gain 20 pounds so that they feel their bodies are desexualized enough to keep them safe."
    — 2 years ago with 23 notes
    #sexual assualt  #modern  #society  #gender  #consent  #sex  #sexuality  #relationships  #acceptable  #rape  #dartmouth  #editorial