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keep it consensual: ask first!

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(con)sensual is a dynamic, sex-positive campaign about enthusiastic consent. The campaign works to create safe spaces for dialogue on consent, educate college students about consent and their sexual rights, and encourage young people to integrate consent into their sexual practices. We love sex, and we love you. We live online here and on Twitter. (Our website is on the way.)

(con)sensual currently lives at American University in Washington, DC, where it was founded in 2009. The campaign will be available to all campuses nationwide within the year.

twitter.com/keepconsensual:

    carmenrios:

i am not able to log into facebook until i apologize for doing valid feminist work in the nation’s capital.
in the past few days, presumably, a woman named “kim” (i will not reveal her last name or her email address) reported some of the slutwalk content on my own profile (i am unsure which content, because i have not logged back in) as “offensive” or “harassment.” although she is referring to this past week’s 2012 slutwalk, i was only present in 2011, where i spoke and was therefore photographed.
her message to me, along with her contact information, was included in a facebook “checkpoint” which stops me from accessing my account until i accept that my involvement with last year’s DC slutwalk breeches the facebook community standards and guidelines. (as a point of clarification, valid reasons to be successfully blocked from your profile on facebook include nudity, stealing intellectual property, and inciting or threatening to commit acts of violence. i did none of the listed behaviors within the community standards document on facebook’s website.)
i refuse to click “continue” and re-enter my facebook because i should never have been interrupted. by clicking “continue,” i am apologizing for something i refuse to apologize for, and i am also allowing what occurred to occur again. 
considering facebook tolerates racism, rape jokes, and other offensive material in the name of “free speech,” it is weird to be banned from my own account merely for doing social justice work. but it is at least good to know that i was correct to assume that the only speech freely allowed on facebook is white, cisgender, straight, male speech by individuals attempting to oppress everyone else.
for now you can reach me on twitter or even send me a message here on tumblr. i also have a google plus. 
peace out, zuckerfuck.

remember when our CEO spoke at slutwalk? facebook has removed all proof it ever happened.

    carmenrios:

    i am not able to log into facebook until i apologize for doing valid feminist work in the nation’s capital.

    in the past few days, presumably, a woman named “kim” (i will not reveal her last name or her email address) reported some of the slutwalk content on my own profile (i am unsure which content, because i have not logged back in) as “offensive” or “harassment.” although she is referring to this past week’s 2012 slutwalk, i was only present in 2011, where i spoke and was therefore photographed.

    her message to me, along with her contact information, was included in a facebook “checkpoint” which stops me from accessing my account until i accept that my involvement with last year’s DC slutwalk breeches the facebook community standards and guidelines. (as a point of clarification, valid reasons to be successfully blocked from your profile on facebook include nudity, stealing intellectual property, and inciting or threatening to commit acts of violence. i did none of the listed behaviors within the community standards document on facebook’s website.)

    i refuse to click “continue” and re-enter my facebook because i should never have been interrupted. by clicking “continue,” i am apologizing for something i refuse to apologize for, and i am also allowing what occurred to occur again. 

    considering facebook tolerates racism, rape jokes, and other offensive material in the name of “free speech,” it is weird to be banned from my own account merely for doing social justice work. but it is at least good to know that i was correct to assume that the only speech freely allowed on facebook is white, cisgender, straight, male speech by individuals attempting to oppress everyone else.

    for now you can reach me on twitter or even send me a message here on tumblr. i also have a google plus. 

    peace out, zuckerfuck.

    remember when our CEO spoke at slutwalk? facebook has removed all proof it ever happened.

    (via ronan-aodhan)

    — 1 year ago with 395 notes
    #tech  #discrimination  #gender  #rape  #activism 

    theoceanic:

    tyrawm:

    Photos my sister took at the Slutwalk 

    Tink is in the middle photo with the American flag shirt!

    (Source: 1093-cwtugilot, via cuntinuuum)

    — 2 years ago with 26 notes
    #Slutwalk  #feminist  #union square  #rape culture  #protest  #new york c  #New York City  #NYC  #women  #rape  #consent 
    "The culturally established “no means no” is too low a bar. Only yes means yes. And I’m not talking about an “I guess we could…” or an “I don’t really care….” or an “Only if you really want to….” or a “Might as well…” I’m talking about an enthusiastic, excited, sustained “Yes!” Are those “yesses” less frequent than the non-committal, hesitant “not-nos?” Yeah, they are, but it’s worth it to know that the people you’re fooling around with really want to fool around with you, too."
    Emily Heist Moss
    The Good Men Project - You Can Get Laid Without Being a Jerk (via lexywagner)

    (Source: landlocked-selkie)

    — 2 years ago with 23 notes
    #college  #feminism  #women  #sex  #rape  #rape culture  #feminist  #consent 
    thatopinionatedblog:

Slut Walk Portland 2011
Sign says: “Not ashamed. Not intimidated. Not under control. Not pretending I can’t see rape culture. Not waiting as if it might go away on its own. Not asking politely.” 

    thatopinionatedblog:

    Slut Walk Portland 2011

    Sign says: “Not ashamed. Not intimidated. Not under control. Not pretending I can’t see rape culture. Not waiting as if it might go away on its own. Not asking politely.” 

    (via feminismisforlovers)

    — 2 years ago with 410 notes
    #slut walk  #sexual assault  #rape  #rape culture  #consent 
    Sex Positivity at Queeriot 2011

    bonesofbirch:

    While I was at the Queeriot event in Kingston this July I had the opportunity of going to a workshop on sex positivity, it’s main discourse was on deconstructing our notions of sex due to the ingrained Christian, heterosexual, gendered, monogamous and vanilla (CHGMV) beliefs of sex. Here are some key points and notes.
 

    Sex can be defined as: sexual intimate involvement with someone. 
Not just vaginal penetration from a penis. 

    Negative messages around sex confirm patriarchy and paternity. 
There is a lot of pressure to have heterosexual and gendered sexual experiences, leaving many people to gender themselves in ways they may or may not identify with. 
Many people experience shaming from the ‘abnormality’ of their sexual experiences and choices, there is a common preconceived notion that one’s sexual experience only counts if it’s CHGMV, which is false. 
Sex negativity also has the impact of trivializing queer sexual experiences.
Many people who are part of the LGBTQ community feel they are othered, which forces them to educate; which was expressed at the workshop to be annoying, often insulting and simply a very energy consuming task.

The idea of a circular pronoun check was suggested. Brilliant I say. It’s better to call someone by what they identify with instead of potentially insulting someone. 

How do we bring about sex positivity? Personally you can keep an eye on the language you use, it is a process and it’s good to have a group of people who can hold you to that. You can so this by asking what pronoun someone identifies with though this may single the individual out and may not be an appropriate setting to ask. During sexual engagements you can verbally initiate sexual actions, therefore leaving an open dialogue with you and your partner(s)’s level of comfortability. You can do check ins during intimate play. It’s important to redefine sex and learn more about it and the different types. Be open and speak easily about sex, or at least try. Take responsibility and talk to people if they need to be called out on something, it is important to do this with sensitivity because shaming and alienating someone is not the goal. Be assertive and direct with your language. Learn more ways to open yourself to being comfortable with talking about sexual topics. Above all know your needs and speak your needs. It is also important to further your awareness and commit to change. Make sure that you spread the word that in sexual assault & abuse, molestation, and rape cases it is not the victim’s fault. It is the perpetrators responsibility not to pose sexual actions upon someone. It does not matter what someone looks like, what they wear, what they say, acts of sexual violence are not requested. Fantasy and role-play with proper communication can be an exception but there are fine lines. Many people blame themselves for sexual violence cases or simply will not report it due to what society projects as the cause, ex. “I was wearing a short skirt and was really drunk, therefore if I tell anyone they will say it was my fault.” 

    Consent is the presence of saying “yes” to a sexual encounter and in some fantasy and role-playing cases it can also be “no” in this case a safe word is necessary also checking in on your partner is important too. Safe words should be easily remembered, a good example that was given at the workshop was, “I think someone is at the door,” and at that point the couple would stop what they were doing altogether or assess the situation and communicate their needs. In the case of gags a non-verbal safe-action would be necessary. It is also important to be responsible for checking in on where your partner(s) are at when you’re engaging in sexual activities, an example that was mentioned was the red, yellow, green method. Red meaning let’s stop this all together, something could have been triggering or really uncomfortable; yellow meaning we need to check up on things and make sure what we’re/you’re/I am doing is making you feel comfortable, this could be used when trying something new; green simply means all is well! If you come into a red zone situation it is important to know what you need at that point and to verbalize it, ex. you may want your partner(s) to hold you and comfort you, or not to touch you, not talking for a little and then going through it later, or talking about it right then, asking for a tea, telling your partner(s) to not ask you why you requested to stop. When a red zone situations occurs it is important to do a follow up on your partner(s). You cannot tell consent fully through body language, that is why communication is very important.

    Grey Rape also falls within consent. Grey rape in my best understanding is when you say no or feel as if you have displayed that you do not want to engage in sexual activity but are coerced into it. The “no” has been recognized but is pursued by the other. Thus someone making you feel guilty for not having sex with them, then having sex with them to fulfill that guilt would be considered grey rape. I feel it is more of a mental question for the victim and a control tactic for the other. Though it is a slippery slop because grey rape can be confused with playing hard to get and what not. If it leave you feeling shitty after then it is most likely not understood by your partner(s). But you can feel shitty for also making conscious clear decisions. Nonetheless I think that many people experience this notion of grey rape often and think it is very present in casual sexual activity, as well as in relationships.



    Some last quotes on consent that I found interesting…
    Consent should be enthusiastic
    “Yes” need to say consent, not an absence of “No”


    If you have any input/questions, ask me! :)

     

    — 2 years ago with 23 notes
    #LGBTQ  #Queeriot  #community  #consent  #rape  #sex  #sexual positivity 
    karamundy:

This is a friend of mine at SlutWalk Tampa 2011. I drew the troll face for her.

    karamundy:

    This is a friend of mine at SlutWalk Tampa 2011. I drew the troll face for her.

    — 2 years ago with 22 notes
    #rape  #rape culture  #consent  #draw  #drawn  #troll  #trolling  #troll face  #meme  #protest  #U Mad Rapist?  #U Mad  #Kara  #Mundy  #Kara Mundy  #Slut  #walk  #SlutWalk  #Slutwalk Tampa  #2011 
    "I believe that consent consists of wanting to have sex or do another activity. In practical terms, when you’re with a non-telepath, consent requires expressing that desire, but the expression still isn’t the important part; the desire is."
    Holly Pervocracy on Rape Culture and consent (via kangofu-cb)
    — 2 years ago with 18 notes
    #rape  #rape culture  #consent 
    "When you get a little too drunk and flip a pong table, you might piss off some brothers, and you even “technically” committed assault. But you won’t give them nightmares for the rest of their lives or destroy their ability to trust potential sexual partners or make them gain 20 pounds so that they feel their bodies are desexualized enough to keep them safe."
    — 2 years ago with 23 notes
    #sexual assualt  #modern  #society  #gender  #consent  #sex  #sexuality  #relationships  #acceptable  #rape  #dartmouth  #editorial 
    Dear Facebook - Take A Stand Against Rape Culture! →

    whereisyourline:

    The following are actual pages on Facebook:  ”Raping your mates girlfriend to see if she can put up a fight”, “Kicking Sluts in the Vagina,” “I know a silly little bitch that needs a good slap,” and “Riding your Girlfriend softly, Cause you dont want to wake her up.” These clearly are in violation of Facebook’s own policies and need to be removed!

    — 2 years ago with 11 notes
    #rape culture  #rape  #facebook  #policy violations  #mark zuckerberg 
    stfurapeculture:

[image: an anonymous question on tumblr, which asks, “I have a question. If you were to consent to sex (with no manipulation,  no force, etc.), have sex, and wake up the next morning regretting it,  that is not rape, right? (I’m sorry for that horrible sentence  structure, I’m having trouble wording out the question.) It’s not rape  because you completely consented to it, right? You’re just regretting  your decision for whatever reason.”]
If you have sex and you consented to it without any physical or non-physical coercion, and you were not under the influence of alcohol or drugs or any kind, and your consent was enthusiastic—i.e., you wanted to have sex, enjoyed having sex, were an active and willing participant in sex, but the next day for whatever reason, you feel think that it wasn’t such a great idea and you wish it hadn’t happened, that would not be rape. It is possible for this to happen. It’s happened to me, in fact.
That being said, quite often we see people saying, ‘regretting it the next day is NOT rape’ in a smarmy way as if everyone who later says they were raped is making it up because now they wish they hadn’t had consensual sex. If you freely gave your consent and were not in any way coerced, you are more than likely not going to say later that it was rape. That would be a false rape accusation. And the amount of unfounded rape accusations (which includes false accusations as well as cases where the police could not find enough evidence, etc) is around 8-10%.
It seems frighteningly common for people to have sex which one party thinks was consensual and the other thinks was not. This is why it’s so important to have open discussions about consent and what freely given consent looks like. This is something that we all need to consider when we’re engaging in sexual activity with partners. Have they been drinking or doing drugs? Have they given you firm verbal consent? Does their body language match what they’ve said? Do they seem uncomfortable with anything you’re doing? Are they participating actively—are they touching you back? Are you complying with any boundaries they’ve established (I don’t want to be touched here; I’m comfortable going as far as this, but not doing that, etc)? Is this their first time? Do you know this person well enough to read their nonverbal cues or should you be more overt in asking what they want and what’s okay? Does your partner experience body dysphoria? Past experiences that result in them being triggered by certain things? Do you know what those things are so you can avoid doing them?
This is not even an exhaustive list. Consent is not only verbal. It is not the absence of protest. It is not a one-time thing. It is continuous throughout your sexual encounter—consent can be revoked at any time and it’s your job to be alert to changes in your partner’s comfort/willingness to have sex. Consenting once is not consenting to have sex again. If you (generally, not just to this anon) feel like this is too much  work and you just get the other person to say the magic “yes” at the  beginning of the encounter, then you’re taking the risk that your partner really wasn’t giving you meaningful consent and you may be accused of sexual assault.
*ahem* End of consent rambling. I hope this answered your question. :)

    stfurapeculture:

    [image: an anonymous question on tumblr, which asks, “I have a question. If you were to consent to sex (with no manipulation, no force, etc.), have sex, and wake up the next morning regretting it, that is not rape, right? (I’m sorry for that horrible sentence structure, I’m having trouble wording out the question.) It’s not rape because you completely consented to it, right? You’re just regretting your decision for whatever reason.”]

    If you have sex and you consented to it without any physical or non-physical coercion, and you were not under the influence of alcohol or drugs or any kind, and your consent was enthusiastic—i.e., you wanted to have sex, enjoyed having sex, were an active and willing participant in sex, but the next day for whatever reason, you feel think that it wasn’t such a great idea and you wish it hadn’t happened, that would not be rape. It is possible for this to happen. It’s happened to me, in fact.

    That being said, quite often we see people saying, ‘regretting it the next day is NOT rape’ in a smarmy way as if everyone who later says they were raped is making it up because now they wish they hadn’t had consensual sex. If you freely gave your consent and were not in any way coerced, you are more than likely not going to say later that it was rape. That would be a false rape accusation. And the amount of unfounded rape accusations (which includes false accusations as well as cases where the police could not find enough evidence, etc) is around 8-10%.

    It seems frighteningly common for people to have sex which one party thinks was consensual and the other thinks was not. This is why it’s so important to have open discussions about consent and what freely given consent looks like. This is something that we all need to consider when we’re engaging in sexual activity with partners. Have they been drinking or doing drugs? Have they given you firm verbal consent? Does their body language match what they’ve said? Do they seem uncomfortable with anything you’re doing? Are they participating actively—are they touching you back? Are you complying with any boundaries they’ve established (I don’t want to be touched here; I’m comfortable going as far as this, but not doing that, etc)? Is this their first time? Do you know this person well enough to read their nonverbal cues or should you be more overt in asking what they want and what’s okay? Does your partner experience body dysphoria? Past experiences that result in them being triggered by certain things? Do you know what those things are so you can avoid doing them?

    This is not even an exhaustive list. Consent is not only verbal. It is not the absence of protest. It is not a one-time thing. It is continuous throughout your sexual encounter—consent can be revoked at any time and it’s your job to be alert to changes in your partner’s comfort/willingness to have sex. Consenting once is not consenting to have sex again. If you (generally, not just to this anon) feel like this is too much work and you just get the other person to say the magic “yes” at the beginning of the encounter, then you’re taking the risk that your partner really wasn’t giving you meaningful consent and you may be accused of sexual assault.

    *ahem* End of consent rambling. I hope this answered your question. :)

    — 2 years ago with 20 notes
    #rape  #rape culture  #consent 

    newwavefeminism:

    When “Drunk Sex” Clearly IS Rape, and More Thoughts on Alcohol and Consent

    A great article over at the SAFER Campus blog. An excerpt:

    The bad news is, there isn’t one test to tell when someone is too intoxicated to consent to sex. (Well, maybe there is—one could make an argument about blood alcohol content perhaps, but college students don’t carry breathalyzers last time I checked so let’s move along). And so when we talk about alcohol and consent, it’s a conversation about open communication with your partner if they’ve been drinking—checking in with them, making sure they are enthusiastically, affirmatively consenting to whatever you’re doing together. Clearly people are sometimes going to get drunk and have sex. And the presence of alcohol in someone’s bloodstream does not automatically make it rape. But there’s a spectrum of intoxication. If someone is physically impaired by their drinking (or drug use), you can tell. They are getting sick, their body is limp, they’re not able to communicate clearly with you. It’s a common sense situation. If it’s less obvious, you know they have been drinking but you’re not sure how much and they seem OK, that’s where communication is key, and honestly—if it’s unclear how drunk your partner is and you feel conflicted, then maybe just play it safe and don’t do it. Instincts are there for a reason. You’ll have another chance to have sex, but sexual assault is permanent. 


    Everyone read all of this.

    — 2 years ago with 136 notes
    #rape  #date rape  #alcohol  #drinking  #consent  #sexual assault